Social Media Fail: 5 Reasons I Will Unfollow You

upset boyThe other day, I unfollowed someone on Twitter. At first glance, we appeared to have lots in common. He’s a writer, I’m a writer. I thought I could learn some new things from him.

But then election season hit.

It isn’t that I don’t like hearing opposing views. I have several friends on Twitter with whom I have “agreed to disagree.” But the thing is, we have an underlying respect for each other. We banter back and forth. And sometimes we even get each other to think in new ways.

When that happens, I am beyond excited.

But this guy’s tweets were so over the top, often with disgusting language, that I decided I didn’t need him in my stream. I may be in the minority, but I’m on Twitter to think, to learn and to help. It’s rare that I unfollow someone, but when I do, they have done one or more of these things.

1. They don’t care about community.

Whether it’s blogging or Twitter or Facebook, we are all in this thing together. And it’s all about helping each other out. If all your tweets are “me-centered,” if you don’t share and contribute useful things every once in a while, I don’t have a good reason to follow you.

2. They push out divisive, sensational or extremist political messages.

And if you are interested in selling your books or coaching programs or whatever, why would you want to do that? Why would you purposely alienate someone who might otherwise love your professional stuff—consume your blog posts, share your content, rave about you to others in their networks?

I do admit that I have had Occupy Wall Street discussions with people on Facebook and other platforms, but the value of that, if it’s done right, is that we begin to understand (and respect) each others’ positions. So it brings us closer together rather than building an immediate wall between us.

3. Our personal or social values clash.

There is nothing inherently wrong with having a Twitter avatar that shows you sitting, smiling and holding your shotgun beside  a dead deer you have just killed and propped up against a tree. You have every right to be a proud hunter, but just understand that some people may be offended.

4. They auto-direct message me with an ad the moment I follow them.

I do not want to interact with a robot. If you send me a canned message and immediately tell me that I should subscribe to your blog or Facebook page, I don’t see you as a human. And why would I want to subscribe to your blog if I don’t know you or your work yet? There are just a few steps missing in your marketing funnel.

5. They don’t take the time to get to know me before they offer me “free stuff.”

I got one DM on Twitter from someone who offered a free report on how to get people to my blog or website. Exactly the kind of stuff I helped people with in my own marketing business for 18 years. Not to mention that my 3.5 year-old blog is all about that.

What about you?

Do you ever unfollow people on social media?

Agree or disagree with me?

Do you have other reasons?

Make sure you don’t miss a post.


  1. Brankica November 8, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

    Hey Judy, this is a great point. I have strong political opinions but I try to keep them for myself. The only place where I comment at all on the topic is Google+ but I think that network is still a great place to connect with people and act like a real human and not a marketer so that is how I am using it – like a human with opinions. But I will often unfollow people for similar reasons, I actually sometimes unfollow just for having opposing views if they are too strongly expressed because they just poke me to reply and I don’t want to get into any debates like those.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:10 am #

      @Brankica That is interesting what you say about Google+, Bran. I tend to have strong political views, too (was an activist of sorts in the early 70s and got all the way to alternate delegate to a political convention to nominate a presidential candidate). I think I must have inherited the gene for politics from my mom. : ) So I love discussion and listening to different points of view. But when people paint parties or candidates with a broad brush, when they stereotype or when they misrepresent the facts? That drives me crazy. I don’t want to experience elevated blood pressure every time I sign on to Twitter, so I tend to drop those people.

      I’m still trying to figure out Google+. I see some amazing opportunities to use it as I build my author platform, with circles of editors, agents, writers and the ability to communicate with each of them in different ways. But I can’t just add it without taking something away. I’ve been thinking about keeping steady with my catseyewriter FB page, but dropping off the level of involvement in my Judy Dunn (personal) page. What do you think about that idea?


      • tshombe November 9, 2011 at 9:00 am #

        @[email protected] I also have marginally explored Google+ and really like it, especially now that I am able to create a business account integration with Google Apps (which I use already). That way, I will not have to log out of one account to access my personal Google account.

        I imagine the great opportunities that you list, Judy, as well. I also agree that something else may need to go before I actually go whole hog into Google+.

        Either that, or clone myself.


        • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 9:42 am #

          @[email protected] Tshombe, I appreciate hearing how Google+ is working for you, my friend. I have really been rethinking my social media involvement lately. The personal/social side of Facebook was taking too much time, especially watching videos of dogs singing. : ) I am doing so much writing these days and need to dive deep and stay there. But Google+ is intriguing to me, especially the circles concept.


        • Brankica November 9, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

          @[email protected] I find Google+ the most interesting at the moment. I love Twitter but everything there is pretty much tweets with links now, so not a great place to communicate.

          Google+ is full of early adopters blog owners and that includes writers and all the people you probably want to keep up with and there are so many conversations going on. So I definitely think that is where the focus should be.I think the network is there to stay so it is pretty safe to put some time in it. It is always better to take some ground there before everyone moves in and since it is coming from Google and will affect rankings, etc, you know everyone will eventually end up there. Not saying it will beat Facebook but I think it will be there fro some time. As far as Facebook goes, a page is always better than a personal profile to communicate with readers and customers but the thing that limits it is that people have to actually come to it and like if for you to be able to present them with your info. You can’t go to a person, while with personal profile, you can ask a person to be your friend and try to put your message in front of him…Hope this makes sense.


        • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

          @[email protected] Great advice, my friend. Thanks. I need a Google+ for Dummies, I think. Still not sure how to maneuver myself around that site.

          I WILL establish a stronger presence there soon because I think you are right. It’s a great place for writers. You are making total sense on Facebook and, as usual, you’ve given me a lot to think about. : )


  2. fsmum November 9, 2011 at 1:46 am #

    I have unfollowed one person because their tone was often aggressive. It’s acceptable to have a strong opinion on something but I can’t stand it when it sounds malicious or aggressive. I enjoyed reading this post Judy and have shared it on my Facebook page.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:44 am #

      @fsmum I’m with you on that one. I personally think that if you are using social media for any kind of business purpose, when you express your views in a means and spiteful tine, you are turning away 50% of your readers/buyers. Because this country is pretty much split down the middle. Why not, instead, find ways we can come together, things we can agree on?


  3. yunomarioni November 9, 2011 at 6:44 am #

    Another awesome blog. I sometimes unsubscribe if all I see is not ‘personal’ at all. Some ‘busy’ people hire a company to post stuff. Some articles or famous sayings etc. Every day at the exact same time… I am doing this Social Media because I want to get to know people and I want them to get to know me. I don’t have to make best friends here but I want to get to know people/professional that I can network. Anyway, I always value your blogs.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:49 am #

      @yunomarioni Always love it when you stop by, Yuno. Yeah, companies having consultants posting all their stuff can come across rather artificial. I think with social media, the way you stand out is to have a distinct and unique voice. Sometimes a good “ghost” blogger/social media consultant can accomplish that, but I know what you mean about those automated postings.


  4. kristihelvig November 9, 2011 at 6:51 am #

    I don’t autofollow on Twitter and will look at the feed of people who start following me before I follow back. If almost every Tweet is a promotion for their book, I don’t follow back. As far as politics, I’m open-minded and have friends covering all ends of the political spectrum. That said, I have unfollowed people who are extremist and derogatory in their language. Interestly, those have tended to be the people with a gun and dead animal in their avatar-lol.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:56 am #

      @kristihelvig Ha! Funny how just an avatar can make you follow back or not. I think what you say here is key. Friends usually DO respect each other’s values and beliefs—religion, politics, whatever. But pushing out one-sided messages to strangers? Not so much.


  5. callagold November 9, 2011 at 6:52 am #

    The angry and rude messages about politics are the biggest cause of my unfollowing and unfriending. I’m a polite girl and if someone isn’t keeping it readable, they lose me.

    Thanks for your five reasons!

    Calla Gold


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:58 am #

      @callagold So, then, let the election season begin, huh? Thanks for weighing in here, Calla. I think it’s all in the way people present their ideas, don’t you?


  6. callagold November 9, 2011 at 8:15 am #

    @JudyDunn Aristotle and Socrates were opinionated. Heck they defined debate. But people were interested in their differing views. I like to be stimulated and excited by debate, not debased or degraded. And I feel icky when someone generalizes with stereotypes and hate phrases. I say uplift me with your differing view and broaden my points of view. Bring it, but with care and interest!


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 9:32 am #

      @callagold I love to debate! There is definitely a difference between an intelligent debate and just plain meanness. I love people who get that difference. : )


  7. tshombe November 9, 2011 at 8:56 am #

    You bring up some good points, @JudyDunn , and it’s interesting food-for-thought.

    I need to be better about this by actually systematizing the process, but I’ve only rarely looked through some of my Twitter followers to weed out the obvious SPAM accounts.

    I have blocked Twitter Users who have spammed me, sending a porn something or some random promotional message.

    As far as the automated check-out-my-facebook-page or download-my-free-ebook nonsense, I haven’t unfollowed the person, but I do have to say that perhaps I should because that tends to be the extent of their engagement. I have never taken them up on their offer and they have never further engaged me nor offered anything of value to me in my Twitter stream.

    We all have personal reasons why we follow or unfollow a person, and I think it’s generally a good thing when someone’s online persona is either very attractive or very offensive. We know where they stand and can clearly see where they fit (or not) in our own professional or personal development.

    A picture of a gun and dead animal is a perfect example of where one person might find repulsive and offensive, another might feel a certain kinship toward the person & presume they have certain things in common.

    Though I see (personally) no place for polarizing language just for the sake of it (that also goes for marketers who use it as a tactic rather than a true expression of how they really feel or of who they are), I think being conscious is taking care not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

    For example, I have a distinctly different view of sales and selling, and yet, I regularly read and learn from some of the “gurus” who many cannot hear because of their decidedly old school way of selling.

    Anyway, I think I’ve gone on a little tangent, but hope I’ve also offered some additional thoughts to your excellent post.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 9:50 am #

      @tshombe Wow, you are pretty amazing. The level of thought you put into your comments blows me away. : )

      Your point about the auto-DM tweeps is well taken. It usually is a red flag that tells me that all they are going to do is sell. Anymore, I just have a gut feeling when I look at a new follower.

      And, yes, the gun and dead animal certainly polarizes people. You are either on one side or the other. And that is why I have a problem with that kind of avatar. That person is not even giving me a chance to know him. He may be interesting and intriguing and he may have good ideas to share. But I just can’t get past that photo. And I don’t want to see it every day in my stream. Others look angry and are shaking their fists at me. And I don’t want to talk to someone who looks like a bully. Am I just too sensitive?

      I love what you say about old school and new school sales. We CAN learn a lot from “old school” people who have all those years of experience. I am glad that you recognize that. Some of the “new media” people don’t. Thanks, Tshome. You have added such value to this conversation.


  8. Justicewordlaw November 9, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    I have unfollowed a lot of people that fall into these categories. I don’t mind the ranting from time to time but it sometimes gets to a point where it gets very annoying and unnecessary. The auto dm’s or spam mentioning gets to me every time. If you have something that you’re trying to promote then plan for it and create a wide marketing strategy don’t just spam me to death it makes me just want to block that person.

    With the presidential campaigns coming up soon I’m getting ready for that wacky side of tweets and comments to come out because so many people are going to have their own views to things so I know it will be best to be ready for the people that just take it over the top once again.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 11:11 am #

      @Justicewordlaw Yes, rants tend to be negative and one-sided, so they naturally exclude other points of view. Every once in a while I get all worked up about something and have to write a post (this one may be an example, actually). But when it takes over your Twitter stream and the venom spills out to everyone in the world, that’s a different, at least to me. It’s going to be interesting, this next year, because it seems that this country has never been more divided. Kind of reminds me of the Viet Nam years (which I am sure you are not old enough to remember). : )


  9. courtcan November 9, 2011 at 10:07 am #

    Judy, I’ll generally unfollow for the same reasons you mentioned. I decide it on a case-by-case basis; if someone is tweeting in a certain tone or with a certain message simply because they’re having a really crappy day, I won’t unfollow.

    On the other hand, about 8 months ago I followed a high-profile self-published writer. I was excited to learn from this person, hoping I could glean information to help me as an indie writer. Unfortunately, the only stuff this writer tweeted was negatives about life. There were no helpful hints, only complaints. I waited about two weeks and then unfollowed.

    And that’s my main reason for unfollowing someone: if their tweets are relentlessly negative. I’ll also check a tweet stream thoroughly before I ever follow in the first place. If a user’s tweets are nothing but complaints or hateful ranting about one thing or another (especially aimed at a single demographic), I won’t follow.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 11:16 am #

      @courtcan Thanks for sharing your views here. You made some good points. You know, I’m a pretty tolerant person and I don’t make snap decisions on people. But negativism, day after day, bothers me, too. Checking their Twitter stream first, as you have suggested here, is a great way to get a feel for someone—what’s important to them, how they value helping others (or not), etc.


      • courtcan November 9, 2011 at 11:41 am #

        @JudyDunn When I first stared using Twitter, I never would’ve thought that scanning a tweet stream could tell me so much about a person’s values, core beliefs, interests…and whether or not they would connect well with me. In one of your replies to @tshombe, you said you get a gut feeling about followers. I think I’m developing the same feeling, and I’m discovering it’s pretty trustworthy!

        Of course, sometimes I don’t need a gut feeling. I ran across one Twitter user just last night who, in his bio, describes himself as a “militant __________.” Fill in that blank with something I am not. And in his tweet stream, he proved that he really is militant against an entire demographic that I belong to.

        Sometimes, it’s just best to trust what people say about themselves. ; )


  10. Jon Stow November 9, 2011 at 10:32 am #

    Judy, I agree with so much of what you say. I have unfollowed people because of their political diatribes, because they are very annoying. I have political views of course, but I avoid mentioning them on-line. I also get annoyed when I receive an auto-DM with some special offer or link when I follow someone. I don’t like people selling all the time so that is a reason to unfollow them down the line.

    I don’t follow in the first place people with unpleasant avatars or the egg, or people who hardly ever post about anything. So, yes, I am picky.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 11:26 am #

      @Jon Stow Your point is spot on. I think that, in some respects, this whole transparency thing on the Web has gotten out of hand. I don’t really need to know someone’s political beliefs in order to develop a persona/social/business relationship with them. It’s just not that important to me.

      It is good to be picky, no? : )


  11. callagold November 9, 2011 at 10:41 am #

    @JudyDunn , my son is a philosophy major and listening to him and my husband debate even when one is clearly wrong is so entertaining. And I always find my own view shifting because of their wide ranging discourse.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 11:32 am #

      @callagold Our daughter is a junior at Smith College and she is taking a minor in Philosophy! I have kidded her that I am not sure I’ll be able to have an intelligent conversation with her anymore. : )

      I know what you mean. I love it when someone gets me to think about a longstanding belief in a different way. Excellent.


  12. callagold November 9, 2011 at 10:42 am #

    @tshombe You can go off tangent/target anytime. Very interesting comment!


  13. claudenougat November 9, 2011 at 11:29 am #

    I completely agree with you, Judy, social media is worthless if it isn’t SOCIAL! Twitter is a little different from Facebook or Google+: it’s a game where you learn to say something meaningful/funny/useful etc in 140 characters (okay, Tweetdeck allows you to go beyond the said limit but it’s in fact self-defeating because to read the rest of the message you have to open a new pop up window and I bet lots of people don’t bother…)

    I love the “game” part of Twitter and I won’t unfollow people even if they rant or say political things provided…it’s done in a fun way!


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 11:38 am #

      @claudenougat Your seven six words say it all:

      “…provided…it’s done in a fun way.”

      Doesn’t that just make all the difference in the world? There is a very smart guy I follow on Twitter, @techherding, whose political philosophy is directly opposite mine, but his tweets are so insightful, so fill of wit and sarcasm and humor, that I look forward to every single one. Because he does it, as you say, in such a fun way.

      Thnaks for sharing here.


  14. StacySJensen November 9, 2011 at 2:28 pm #

    I don’t mind minimal political comments. Probably, because I share a few from time to time. I try to keep this in mind when I do them. I have unfollowed people because of the content of his or her tweets. It wasn’t the political message, so much as the delivery. The person tweeted poorly of his child and it made me think: Do I really want to hear this. I don’t have to listen, so I turned it off.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

      @StacySJensen I think that Twitter has the biggest potential for things going wrong with a message. It is the totally spontaneous nature of the platform and the short bursts that sometimes can be taken out of context. And we have no idea where our followers are at with a particular issue. Once, a very well-know social media guy offended me with a tweet and I am sure he had no idea. He did a sarcastic tweet about Sylvia Plath and how suicide can squelch one’s creativity. It was meant to be funny, but I was just coming off a suicide in my husband’s family and and I just poured my personal experience into that tweet, made it something it wasn’t. I read something once from someone who said don’t tweet something you wouldn’t be willing to share in a bar or on someone’s living room couch. I think that’s a good rule of thumb. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Stacy.


  15. stevepoling November 9, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    I’m probably a bad person, because I judge people on the basis of their language. If I don’t understand it, I unfollow. No sprechen and no hablo. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry.

    If one’s language is something my mother would wash my mouth out with soap for using, I’ll look at the IQ of the surrounding text, if less than 100, that mo-fo is gone.

    If one says a politician is a poopy-head because–well just because, s/he’d better say his opponent is similarly vile. Whoever gets elected in whatever election is a lying weasel. (Some NATO treaty excludes non-lying non-weasels from all ballots everywhere. Take my word for it.) So, whatever it is you don’t like a politician, it’s true. Since it’s also true of all politicians it goes without saying. So don’t say it.

    That said, I love a wag like Fred Thompson who rolls a rhetorical hand-grenade through the door as he walks past. Say it if you’d say it to the guy’s face and you’d share a laugh.

    As a general principle, I want to follow humans. If you’re a ‘bot telling me about male enhancement, that’s obvious. But if you’re an author relentlessly spouting the same 140 characters about buying your Great American (Or British) Novel over and over again–with no creativity, how do I know you’ve not been replaced by a Toaster? If you’re advocating Whigs and you’re always assassinating the character of any non-Whig, are you sure you’re not a Replicant

    Show your humanity.


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

      @stevepoling Your comment is helpful because it shows me that everyone is coming from a little different perspective on this. And you are right, authors can be guilty of over-promotion, particularly if it’s approach book publication time. : )

      We still need to remember that 80-20 rule: 80 percent helpful and useful stuff; 20 percent (or less) self-promotion. And, yes,, show your humanity is perfect. Thanks for dropping in and telling us how you feel.


  16. EstherYork November 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    I have unfriended someone before because they consistently used 4 letter words and posted off color content. I’m sorry…I don’t watch R rated movies because of the language, so I certainly don’t want to be subjected to that kind of garbage on facebook!


    • JudyDunn November 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

      @EstherYork I think it’s a case of what you are comfortable with and what bothers you. I don’t personally unfollow people who use four-letter words, but you have a point. I think it is totally appropriate to block someone who consistently clashes with your values. You have very right to do that. Thanks for sharing here. : )


    • stevepoling November 15, 2011 at 8:18 am #

      @EstherYork In my opinion, the use of vulgarity often betokens low intelligence, or an interest in low things. Not as a rule, but as a correlate. So, if you use fuck, you’d better use correlate as a noun–or something, because I’ll have to find something worthy to compensate for the unpleasantness of reading the vulgarity. I only use the f-word for illustrative purposes (and to assert the right to do so). Strong language should serve as linguistic spice or garnish, never as an entree.

      I will unfollow induhviduals because our interests do not overlap as much as I’d hoped, and f-bombs are my first clue that this is the case.


  17. CatsEyeWriter November 10, 2011 at 4:01 pm #

    Thanks for all the insightful comments my readers made on this post. You are loved and appreciated. : )


  18. iza November 13, 2011 at 3:48 pm #

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. There is an etiquette that should be considered.I am on the brink of unfollowing someone who never once thanked me for my numerous retweets of his posts, or my comments on his blog, or my subscription to one of his blogs. And this is a person who blogs about social media! I don’t care how busy he is (we all are). If a person with over 30,000 followers has the time to thank me each and every time for retweeting her posts, then he can thank me at least once. It’s rude.


    • stevepoling November 13, 2011 at 5:01 pm #

      Let me preemptively apologize for failing to thank you for such kindnesses.


      • iza November 13, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

        Very funny!


      • JudyDunn November 14, 2011 at 8:11 am #

        @stevepoling I believe this is the first time you have left a comment here. Always nice to hear from a new reader. : )


    • JudyDunn November 14, 2011 at 8:13 am #

      @iza I think that sometimes the “big” social media people lose track of the fact that they wouldn’t be in that position if it weren’t for their followers, friends and readers. Good point.


      • iza November 14, 2011 at 8:22 am #

        @JudyDunn Thanks, and yes it is my first time leaving a comment. This post really struck a chord for me. Btw, I love your bio- hysterical!!


        • JudyDunn November 14, 2011 at 8:43 am #

          @iza Thanks for visiting and look forward to more conversations. : )


  19. TammyRedmon November 14, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    Yeah Judy!! You took your personal power back on Twitter!! 🙂

    I do unfollow people. For much of the same reasons you mentioned. Today I Blocked someone on Facebook that is in a group I enjoy checking in with, their posts are just too much, too personal, too whiny and I just had enough. So by blocking them from my view, I don’t have to see them post anymore. Yep, I’m an unfollower and blocker too. Looks like I keep good company.


    • JudyDunn November 14, 2011 at 11:43 am #

      @TammyRedmon Well, “unfollow” has such a nasty ring to it, doesn’t it? : )

      Blocking works, too. I use that on Twitter when people start @-ing me with spam. Hey, you are getting a little remodel on your site, I hear? Always nice to do that every once in a while.


      • TammyRedmon November 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

        @JudyDunn I am probably on the outside on the whole ‘seems mean’ approach to unfriending someone. It’s just business. Though I have been unfriended quite harshly by a former good friend. It was quite personal. What was harsh was that was her way of breaking up with me…I like the phone for that kind of work. LOL

        And Yes, I am getting ready to do some Winter Cleaning on my site. I missed spring so though I’d get to it in winter.


        • JudyDunn November 15, 2011 at 6:28 am #

          @TammyRedmon Wow, that’s amazing. Someone you shared a friendship with really did that? Talk about no closure.


  20. Joanna Wilson November 24, 2011 at 7:26 am #

    That’s cool …But at this time there’s no one posted any whiny and too personal thing on my account.But if ever,definitely I will block them.Thank you for sharing your kind reminders.


    • JudyDunn November 24, 2011 at 8:36 am #

      @Joanna Wilson Joanna, thank your lucky stars if you have not encountered any of this stuff. I don’t get a lot of it, but when I do, I say, life’s too short to have to be a captive audience to it. Thanks for leaving your thoughts here. And please, come back again. : )


  21. Doug Cohen December 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

    I will unfollow over-tweeters. Quality has to trump quantity at some point. There is no way you have more than 50 important things to tweet per day.


    • JudyDunn December 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm #

      @Doug Cohen Another really good point. I guess I could have come up with TEN reasons. : )

      Frankly, I don’t understand how these people find the time to do 50 tweets a day.


    • claudenougat December 21, 2011 at 4:00 am #

      @Doug Cohen I completely agree with you: 50 tweets a day is impossible and theymust necessarily be repetitive and with no value or links to them. This said, my experience with Twitter is decidedly bizarre: there are days I receive a lot of followers and then immediately after many unfollow. I’ve been wondering whether these unexplained fluctuations may have something to do with bots or people setting up a system for unfollowing within 24 or 48 hours once they discover you haven’t followed back!


  22. Kevin January 7, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    It’s about speaking your mind, with a mix of business and personal. I will quote a funny line from a movie. “is this business or personal”” it’s persoanl business.


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